Overrated Accomplishments

Last night when my husband got home from work I took the 15 minutes before preparing dinner to get out of my bathrobe and take a shower.  While standing under the seemingly heaven sent hot water as the steam filled up the bathroom, it occured to me:

This was my first shower in five days.

Now before you drop your phone or computer or whatever it is you are reading this on (hopefully not a television screen due to my previous statement making national news- “crazy mom of four institutionalized for publicly admitting to self neglect of epic proportions”) I have taken a couple of baths in the five day period.  When the two older kids are finally asleep and I am between pumping and feedings I would rather sit in a tub where it is much easier to enjoy a glass of wine, a piece of chocolate, and a fraction of a book.  Multitasking is everything these days and I can’t risk getting water in my wine by attempting to drink it in the shower now can I?  That would just be sad.

The truth is that since the twins arrived it has been almost impossible to fit a shower in during the day.  More often than not, I feel that us moms like to gauge the insanity of our lives by whether or not we are able to take a shower among other seemingly simple tasks: drinking coffee while it’s still hot, putting on real pants, applying make up, going to the bathroom uninterrupted.  I say no more. The pressure to achieve and the guilt that tags along with it is too much.

This morning for instance, I woke up feeling refreshed and motivated to start eating healthy after an intervention I had with myself last night.  I finally admitted that any time there has been popcorn in front of me over the past 2 1/2 months, I have eaten all of it.  Microwave popcorn- all of it.  Boom Chicka Pop Sweet and Salty Kettle Corn (that cursed purple bag that always ends up in my Target cart)- all of it.  Chicago mix from Costco- I can’t really say… it was a one time thing… I must have blacked out- all of it.


I skipped into the kitchen and poured a cup of hot coffee with a small splash of organic half and half and stevia.  I took out some frozen sprouted Ezekiel bread and popped it in the toaster with my organic peanut butter on standby.  All I needed to prepare was my grass fed plain yogurt, berries, and ancient grains granola when Gwen began to cry.

I ran upstairs (I could grab her and be back downstairs by the time the toast popped up) to smell that she had finally pooped for the first time in three days!  This needed to be addressed, the toast still had time.  Before I began to change her I ran back down and threw my coffee in the microwave for 2 minutes.  I ran back up to change Gwen.  When I unzipped her pj’s I realized- this was an up the front and up the back-er.  Total strip down, clean with a washcloth, new pj’s, the works.  Mid change Cam started screaming.  Bloodcurdling screaming.  I brought Gwen down in a blanket and fresh diaper- no clothes.

Coffee was getting cold in the microwave.  Toast had popped.

I picked up Cam and he gasped quickly while catching his breath. He just wanted to be held in that exact second.  Gwen began to cry- she was getting cold in her dinky receiving blanket.  I put Gwen in her fresh clothes as my phone alarm went off- It was time for Gwen to eat. No wonder she woke up. I had forgotten for a brief moment in my health food guru inspired nirvana that my own feeding schedule is a luxury tucked into the feeding schedule of the twins.  I set Gwen down as she began to scream.  She was not feeling patient this morning.

I ran down to the kitchen to prepare the breast milk I had JUST pumped into a bottle and grabbed my freezing cold coffee out of the microwave. I destroyed my toast as I hastily carved peanut butter into it- damn organic peanut butter has the consistency of cement.

I ran back up the stairs with everything in my hands, took one bite of my sludge-covered cardboard toast, threw back a swig of iced coffee, picked up Gwen and gave her the bottle. Peace.  I totally forgot my yogurt, granola, berry combo- maybe I’ll eat it for dessert tonight with a bag of Boom Chicka Pop.

We are all just trying to stay afloat half the time. Next time you are tempted to take note of all of the things you were unable to accomplish on a given day, stop yourself and admire what you did achieve.  Caring for a newborn (or several) is no small feat. Caring for children is what sustains the human race.

Showers are overrated.






Joining the Twin Mom Club- the Ultrasound



Men plan, God laughs… My husband and I had a perfect plan.  We have two awesome boys and found ourselves in a perfect position to have one more child because three is a magic number, right?  Unlike the arrivals of our other children, we were PREPARED this time!  We had our finances in a good spot, a house we loved, and the timing of our other kids’ ages perfectly spaced to only need to pay for one child in daycare.  I used ovulation kits to assist in carrying out the details of our plan to make the third child a girl by following Dr. Shettles method – it did not occur to me that on the cycle where my test read “no peak” fertility that I may have tripped the system by releasing more than one egg… God certainly has a sense of humor.

I waltzed into our 20 week ultrasound with excitement and had totally and officially ignored the fact that I felt so many differences (hospitalizing morning sickness, early kicks, tightness and fast bump growth, blinding round ligament pain all before 20 weeks) with the help of validating, nonchalant reactions from friends and family- “Meh, it’s your third.  You just grow faster with your third”.

My friend Elizabeth showed up to the ultrasound with three balloons- pink, blue, and purple as a sweet gesture. It was her job to keep the sex of the baby a secret until our perfectly planned reveal party.  Little did she know that her carefully selected balloon bouquet gift was actually foreshadowing the moments ahead.

The technician, Derrick, was cool and relaxed.  He had a beard and the demeanor of my favorite drinking buddy from Williamsburg, Brooklyn circa 2006.  In fact we may have split a pint of Guinness over a game of pool in a past life- entirely possible.  Derrick placed the wand on my belly with the screen facing only he and Elizabeth.  I looked at Elizabeth for cues, although this being her first ultrasound, I was not concerned by the immediately puzzled expression on her face.

There is a certain monotoned way that one tends to deliver everyday information.  For example, “It’s Tuesday” or “I’m hungry” or “I just brushed my hair”.  This is the tone Derrick used to say

“You have two babies.”

“Hah” I laughed.  Derrick would say something like that, he’s so funny and sarcastic.  My new craft beer drinking ultrasound tech friend WOULD be a jokester like that.  What a goof.

Elizabeth’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.  Why wasn’t she laughing at Derrick’s funny quip?

“Wait, what?” Perhaps I misunderstood.

“Uh, yeah, you have twins” reiterated Derrick.

“Shut up” I waited for him to crack a smile. “Seriously, shut up.”

Elizabeth laughed and covered her mouth. My husband stood up. I was stuck on the table and could not articulate anything but “SHUT UP!”

Derrick excused himself as this ultrasound was all of the sudden outside of his qualifications.  My husband and I realized in that same moment that this was beyond our qualifications as well.  In that moment, without feeling in my face and with tears in my eyes, I felt God smile down on us and chuckle.  We should have known better.

So here I am, totally blessed and finding myself a part of a new club- learning as I go. So far, the twin moms I have met are a supportive, badass, crew who simply do not have time to judge or tell you the “right” way to do things.  They are tough and don’t sweat the small stuff and I am inspired and honored to be a part of the group.

I want this blog to be a place for information, venting, and a good laugh for all women, but especially dedicated to twin moms out there who, just by waking up and facing every new day find themselves a tWINNING mom!!!