June 2016

Last First Times Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

“Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.”

The late, great, David Bowie had it right.

I started writing this post 1 month ago and a lot has happened:

…Despite my best effort to squeeze his cute little thighs into the same Sesame Street patterned diaper forever, Cam officially moved into size 1 diapers a couple of weeks ago.  I cried.

In theory these types of milestones are to be celebrated.  My (once preemie) babies are growing fast, healthy, and strong.  However, I can’t help the automatic loop of “Landslide” that plays in my head every time I fold up a Newborn onsie and put it in the donate pile for the last time.

When Charlie was a baby I would pat myself on the back each time we hit a milestone because I had miraculously made it through another day with my firstborn.  I would think to myself “maybe one kid is enough, how do people survive with two?!”

Looking back on the early days with Gus I can hardly remember what he looked like as a newborn.  I spent so much time helping Charlie, then a toddler, through the transition that I barely remember relishing in the newborn stage at all.  I also set out on a new career path at the end of my maternity leave with Gus so the excitement of a new venture put a haze over the fleeting seconds I had with my tiny man.  Gus grew like one of those plastic pills you put in water that morph in to a sponge dinosaur.  Overnight he went from 7lbs, 10 oz to small man.

With the twins I find myself holding on to each tiny change the way a little kid holds on to the leg of her parent as they leave for a business trip.

NOOOOOO, why are you already in 3 month pj’s?! You’re barely 2 1/2 months old!!! (Cam smiles and coo’s back) Aww wait, you couldn’t do that yesterday!  You are so cute!!! Wait, you’re already engaging with me?! NOOOOO!

“Turn and face the strange”.

Embracing the changes and living in the moment is the only way to live but it’s also much easier said than done.

This week we are moving out of our house that we have lived in for the past 3 1/2 years.  I LOVE this house.  It has been the absolute perfect house for our family.  3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, perfect amount of living/entertaining space, cozy, tons of character, great neighbors, Swimming pools and walking trails, PERFECT!  Then, two months ago we grew by two more family members.  Just like that I found myself relating less to the couples of “Fixer Upper” and more to the couples on “Tiny Homes.”

I realize that many people have lived in much smaller setups and have lived to tell about it, but my flash forwards to 6 people all over 6 feet tall sharing one (very small) full bathroom began to haunt me in the night…

Since I wrote this we moved to a new house, I went back to work, the older boys finished 1st grade and preschool, he twins turned 4 months old, and I turned 31. Time is flying faster than I can process it.  I am starting to understand why other twin moms say that “the first year is a blur”.

I am excited to get back into the habit of writing on a regular basis again. I figure that in a couple of years we should unpack our last moving box. Until then I will work on getting a grasp on my rituals again and enjoying every moment with my quickly growing babes. My thought is that if I remember to check in with myself and chip away at simple personal goals, then I will not lose myself in the vortex. By simple I mean elementary- in fact, I can only muster up 4 goals for this week.  10 years ago I would have had 10 goals for each day.

Goals for this week:

  1. Work out 3 days for 20 minutes- I am setting my work out goals low because it has been A WHILE and I feel that if I make my goals attainable I will have a better chance of success.
  2. Write 2 blog entries.
  3. Unpack 3 boxes- It took me until today to find my home computer charger in a random box.  It was packed with a bottle of multipurpose cleaner, my son’s microscope and last year’s taxes. Naturally.
  4. Wake up at 7am sharp every day (including the weekends)- I want to conquer my morning ritual this year. Getting my internal clock set now that the babies are sleeping through the night will be crucial.

Wish me luck!